she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
