omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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