I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
