My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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