Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
