I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
