yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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