I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
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