You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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