My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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