last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
