You can't motorboat a personality
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
