he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
