listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
