hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
