His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
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