If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
