I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
