Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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