I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Randomize
