so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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