She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
