we're chasing vodka with high fives
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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