i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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