I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Watching her eat just hurts me
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
