I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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