Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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