Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
He passed out mid-signature
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
