I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
