So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Randomize
