i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
