My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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