Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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