I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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