Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
where does the pee come out of this thing
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
My ass is underappreciated
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
