I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
