R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
