And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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