i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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