I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
operation have a gay friend backfired
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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