I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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