I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
