So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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