That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
