my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
