Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
