Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
