my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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