I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
