Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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