The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
