Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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