He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
