then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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