apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
