this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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